I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize