Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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