really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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