i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he was CRYING into my vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
