What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
