He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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