i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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