How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
