M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sober January is a disaster.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
