She announced her abortion via fbk
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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