Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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