There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
