I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
