Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
