life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
