VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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