I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
