omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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