just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
