fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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