all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
