do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
