I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
