So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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