Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
literally had 100 drinks last night.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
