I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
