How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
