Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
