Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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