I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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