I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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