the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
