im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
