just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm jealous of your bromance
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
