school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
