Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
