hotel room ftw
This girl is more easily done than said...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
