thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
