I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
