that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the condom got lost in my hair
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
