He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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