i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize