I just pynch a tree in the face
her vagine was all disorganized.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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