I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
