so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
