**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
