Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
