I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize