where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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