Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
