so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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