WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
