After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
