Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize