Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
