you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just invented taco cereal.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
