I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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