he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
