Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
