guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
