Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize