im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
