im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
