I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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