never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
