...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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