I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
