Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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