totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
