Kiss
Puke
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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