dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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